


A Change of Pace

by orphan_account



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Bard Magnus, Canon Rewrite, Druid Merle, F/F, F/M, M/M, Many creative liberties taken, Rogue Taako, class swap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 20:15:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13084530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: EDIT (09/04/18): Yeah I'm probably not going to continue this I am very sorry. I loved the idea but it's been so long and I have so MANY ideas so I am sorry :(A retelling of The Adventure Zone where the classes of the major characters are changed. The majority of the story stays the same - with some alterations to make it fit with the swapped classes.





	A Change of Pace

This story starts off as many good stories do – with Craig’s list, nailed to a tree for all to peruse. These listings often bound adventurers from many walks of life together for the purpose of safety in numbers on various quests, and this was certainly no different for the three who sat at a table in an unassuming bar.

The first was a burly human man, sat with a lute strung across his back and nursing a bottle of cider. Next, was a slight elf holding the neck of a wine glass between slender fingers as he gazed listlessly around the room. And finally, a dwarf, his grin visible even through his thick beard as he finished off his tankard with a single gulp.

Gundren Rockseeker simply glared across the table at the three.

“Do you think you can handle that, Merle?”

“Of course we can,” Merle said, ignoring the sharp tone his cousin’s voice had taken. “This isn’t our first rodeo, right guys?” The elf made a non-committal noise, but the human nodded enthusiastically.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Rockseeker, we’ll make sure the wagon gets to Phandalin in one piece.”

This seemed to satisfy the dwarf who simply sighed before getting to his feet, grumbling a farewell at the three adventurers. When morning came, he had already ridden ahead with an escort, leaving the others to follow behind with the supplies. The human, who went by the name of Magnus Burnsides, had insisted on taking the reins, leaving his travelling companions in the back of the cart.

While Merle spent his time channelling his focus into his quarterstaff, the elf was content to sit back and relax. The elf – who had initially introduced himself to the others as Taako, you know, from TV? – held a slender dagger in his hand, weighing it thoughtfully in his palm.

The peace was broken by the wagon rolling to a stop.

“Guys, you should probably come see this,” Magnus called softly, his usually loud voice kept low and urgent. Merle and Taako glanced at each other before climbing to peer over the man’s shoulder.

Two dead horses lay in the middle of the road, and at Magnus’ pointing, they also spotted the figures hiding in the shadows. Realising they had been seen, two of the figures leapt towards them, while the third stayed in the brush. Before they could get too close, Merle lifted his quarterstaff and with a quickly murmured spell, a vine shot out of the ground, throwing one of the goblins back with a crack.

Seeing this, the other one hesitated, giving Taako the perfect opportunity to flick his wrist out, his dagger lodging itself in the goblin’s neck. It stayed upright for a second, a look of shock on its face, only to fall to his knees. The third figure rushed out, his hands fluttering to the blade sticking out of his friend.

Realising there was nothing he could do, he reached for the bow slung over his shoulder and drew back an arrow, the tip of it already flickering with the beginnings of a flame. Whether he aimed for Merle or Taako was of no importance – the arrow instead hits the wagon, the canvas catching fire.

Satisfied with these results, the goblin turned to run, only for the edge of a rapier to slice across his back, knocking him to the ground where he twitched once before stilling.

“Well, that went well,” Magnus said, sheathing his weapon as Merle cast a water spell to put out the fire. Taako stepped down from the cart, stopping by the dead horses and poking one of them with the toe of his boot. Studying the carnage, he spotted a familiar tube on the ground and picked it up, only to find it empty.

“Hey, Merle, wasn’t this where Gundren kept his map?”

“Sure is,” he confirmed, squinting at it. After a few more cursory glances over the horse carcasses, they saw the tell-tale marks of a dragged dwarf leading down a trail. Despite their worries of the cart being ransacked, they decided that it would be better to follow them and find Gundren.

The tracks led towards a cave, and upon entering, Magnus hummed a tune as four lights flickered into being. Making their way through the tunnels, it’s not long before they hear the sounds of metal clanking up ahead. Raising a finger to his lips, Taako motions for them to stay where they are, slipping into the darkness. When he returned, his brows were furrowed in frustration.

“Bad news, my dudes,” he said. “There’s three wolves just chilling through there. And there’s no way you two are gonna be able to sneak past. You’re like a pair of stone giants with those feet.” Ignoring the insult, Magnus grinned and, lute in his hands, set off down the tunnel.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” He started slowly, plucking a few simple notes, allowing the song to slowly build up in intensity. His fingers danced along the strings, the music waking the wolves up and their eyes fixing immediately on the bard. Still, Magnus drew closer, eventually standing so that wolves were just a few feet away.

Once the song had ended, he set the lute gently onto the ground and stretched a hand towards the centre wolf. After barely a second’s hesitation, it leant forwards and pushed its nose into his palm.

“What were you worrying about even, Taako? They’re total sweethearts. Can we keep them?” After a firm no from both Merle and Taako, he settled instead for giving each of the wolves a good scratch behind the ear.

Deeper in the cave, they saw a bridge stretching overhead, a figure barely visible up there. On a whim, Taako attempted to call out to him in Thieves Cant, earning only a confused grunt. Realising that it was getting him nowhere, he switched to Goblin, leaving his companions to listen to the unfamiliar language with sceptical looks.

Too soon, the conversation turned sour and they readied themselves for another fight. Already, Magnus had begun strumming his instrument, the uplifting tune sending the blood rushing through Merle and Taako’s veins.

The goblin on the overpass took aim, firing a bolt straight at Merle that shot straight through his tunic. Hissing, he pressed a hand into his side and grimaced when it pulled away bloody.

Before anyone could retaliate, they heard a creaking noise, followed by a sudden rush of water that quickly swelled around their ankles and – in Merle’s case – knees. Ignoring the pain in his ribs, Merle cast the spell Destroy Water, his magic following the current along to stop the trap before it could cause any real issue.

 “What happened? The water just straight up vanished!” A voice shouted down the tunnel in Goblin.

“Don’t worry about it,” Taako called back, scrambling for an answer.

“Should we come down there, or – is it, is it cool?”

“No, we, uh, we totally sorted it.”

“Is it – Do their dead bodies look kinda cool?”

Taako panicked for just a moment.

“I got too horny from the killing and I – I’m jerking off and – Don’t come in here, it’s private!”

“Aw, Jesus, alright, alright. We’ll just leave you to it.”

And with that, the goblins shuffled off. They continued forwards, Magnus stopping his song to press a glowing hand against Merle’s side. While his clothes stayed torn and bloody, the pain faded, his skin beneath them knitting back together.

After a quick discussion, they agreed that the best path to take would be the overpass. Taako nimbly scaled up the rock side, dropping a rope down for his less-athletic associates. Merle climbed his way up with ease, stumbling only once. Magnus followed in a far less graceful manner, eventually managing to clamber his way up with a helping hand at the top.

“Hey, do you guys smell that?” Magnus asked, sniffing deeply. Without a word, Taako made his way silently towards the scent. When he returned, he explained that it seemed like some kind of break room, with a set of stairs leading up to a loft of some sort. Four goblins – three on the lower level, one on the upper – and an unconscious human.

Over the next few minutes, they came up with a plan. Once again, Taako crept into the room, making his way to the upper level to hide behind some of the crates there. Silently, he snuck up behind the lone goblin and took it down effortlessly. Throwing a thumbs up at his teammates, they leapt into action.

Merle rushed forwards, casting a quick Thunder Wave as soon as he was in range of the three remaining goblins, one of them being tossed across the room. Magnus followed closely behind, swinging his rapier down at the one closest to him. Surprisingly, it managed to parry the blow with a crudely fashioned club and the two of them struggled against each other.

In the meantime, the remaining goblin slipped behind Merle, knocking aside his quarterstaff and pressing a steel knife against his throat.

“Put your weapons down,” he growled in Common, his free hand gripping the frozen dwarf’s shoulder. “I don’t think anybody in this room wants to get hurt any more than they already have been. So on that note, I have a proposition for you.”

“Alright, alright, just – Don’t do anything rash, okay?” Magnus dropped his weapon to his side and eyed the goblin warily.

“I will let you leave this cave, with your dwarf and Barry Bluejeans, alive and unharmed if you do one thing for me. I want you to depose our current employer, whose name is Klarg.” His lip curled up distastefully as he drew out his boss’ name. “I know you’re wondering, ‘What’s in it for me?’ I’ve already told you this, it is the dwarf and Barry Bluejeans. I will give you them alive and well.”

“Do you guys know who that is?” Taako asked, truly baffled.

“I think that’s, uh, what’s-his-face’s buddy,” Magnus said, with little confidence.

“He’s the mercenary that Gundren hired,” Merle answered, cautious of how each word seemed to bring the blade closer to his throat.

“Now, excuse me, sir. Goblin, sir. What – Why –?”

“I’m sorry,” the goblin in question interrupted. “What is your name? I didn’t even ask, how rude of me.”

“Uh, Magnus Burnsides. And what is your name, sir?”

“Yeemick.”

“Yeemick?”

“Yeemick the Gerblin.”

“Right. Yeemick, why – Why do you want us to depose Klarg? Is it a power grab?”

“Let’s call him a new hire? A transfer from the home office. Let’s just say that there are some of us here, in this institution, who are not Klarg’s biggest fans.”

“Yeah, fuck that guy,” the goblin who had been fighting Magnus chimed in. “For real though. For real though.”

“I tell you what, we’ll let your buddy here go,” Yeemick said, patting his hand against Merle’s shoulder. “And I’ll look after your Barry Bluejeans over there. I will do this favour personally for you.”

After a little more arguing – none of them were particularly happy to leave the unconscious mercenary with the Gerblin, but it seemed as if they had no other choice - Yeemick gave them the directions to Klarg’s antechamber, and they set off towards it. Once they were out of earshot, Magnus spoke up.

“I don’t trust this situation.”

“Yeah, no shit!”

“Okay, cool. I just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page –“

“Great job, Angela Lansbury,” Taako said, sarcasm dripping from his words. “I don’t know how you pieced that one together; he seemed so nice! You really Columbo-ed that one.”

“Is there some way for us to kill both Klarg and this dude –“

“Oh yeah,” Merle cut in. “We’re going to.”

“Yeah, my dude, we’re killing everybody,” Taako agreed.

“Totally.”

“I thought that was implied.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited now that I'm awake and have a brain to see my many mistakes. Tenses are lost to me when it hits midnight.


End file.
